Leave the past behind for starters. Yesterday was yesterday. I made some mistakes and it was shitty. I’m tired of everything being shitty. It’s time to try again and make the best efforts to turn things around and actually feel as if I am living with a purpose.
There are several things that will need to happen… no doubt my pride will stop me from revealing them all here and now… but in time everything will fall into place as it should.
So writing is off for awhile. At least a year, maybe more. It all depends on how long this trades course will take. That’s right, I caved, I gave into the trades & labor, something I promised myself I’d never do. My dad always was pushing me to do it, and every time he’d mention it… it would irk me – painfully.
I always believed I knew what I was doing – at least after I found faith. I believed with all my heart that I would succeed. I believed, dared to believe, my path was set, God given, divine…. and perhaps it was. Writing is what I am meant to do. I do not have this talent, this urging to write for no reason.
Detour. Add a few more years. Add a few more years to what was already going to be at least four years, given I worked hard and made it through the first time around. Never mind the fact, what if I had to take time off? It could take much longer than four years. I was naive to think I’d just plow through it. Perhaps even more naive that I thought I’d do it without God.
Spitting it out, If I intend to get a degree in writing at some point, it may be allot more than four years. I figure add two for this trade program, plus the four for writing – that’s at least 6 years – never mind the fact that I may not be able to complete each year consecutively.
Breaking it down it all =’s allot of time and money… and effort.
Better than sitting around doing nothing. I have a vision again, something to work towards. I intend to take a program geared towards aboriginals. It get’s them started on an apprenticeship in one of 5 trades. I am looking into carpentry. They will pay for everything. So why not. Then I’ll have my “back up plan, my plan B” as my dad say’s, eventually ill be making good money at that, and in the meantime maybe take some writing courses, or when ever I have the time to0.
so that’s the general plan, in the meantime, find a job and get by. Hopefully everything will work out. Hopefully… faith is the substance of things hoped for.