lifted

and in the echoes of the cries that sprung from my nightmares

I heard an urging to keep trudging

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Reconstruct

I’m sitting in my chair, my old comfy chair,

looking at the ceiling, noting its gradual sag –

the walls look like grubby tattered hunchbacks

breaking under their burdensome loads.

Perhaps the foundation was never laid right –

the rest goes pretty quick once the foundation is shot.

Nothing really rests properly, it all just kinda sinks.

We’ll have to start over,  build from the base up

Reconstruct everything.

Well, I’ll start by introducing myself,

Hello, nice to meet you.

cause its better than talking to the mirror

Ahhh! So instead of spamming the home f.b page with status updates, trying desperately to commicate some frame of im in to someone out there, someone maybe paying attention, in hopes that someone might share a moment – *GASP* thus having a connection in which we may relieve ourselves…. i figure id just ramble here, quite literally ramble. an interesting combination of imagination and sobriety after a long day. It fills and then spills poetically, forcefully, perhaps annoyingly. shit. Now I actually am trying to think of something to write! That’s not what we came here for! NO! We wanted the moment! Raw and real. UNCUT. uncensored. Not this shit dressed up, suited to fuck the faces of the pretty peoples!. It annoys me, trying to understand what it takes to make one act like they were born with a two by fore stuck up either their sliver-tongued-licked-asses or their sweet virgin pussies – or so they’d have us believe. And some nod and smile whilst others smile cynically and me? I still try to believe in achieving the moment again, where I’ll meet you and you meet me, openly real and raw, till one one day we can face each other, unafraid of what we saw.

Not This Time

Ahhh. To hope and dream and think of the better things… Possibly getting closer and now I am hoping I am put through, accepted into this trades program.

Figure it is a good means to an ends. Money. That is the end game after all. Might as well make as much as I can… even though its not quite what I want my end career to be. Plenty of time for writing though.

A fire is in order, set flames to the past – some stuff that doesn’t belong to me and Ive tired of looking at it.

I see myself in a better place,  but only if I choose to care to try. To take life seriously and not let petty things bring me down.

Currently working at the Ivory Club,  A higher end restuaraunt/bar. It’s a pretty fast pace for a few hours during dinner rush, then it calms down when the partying starts. I do dish, so far it looks like three days a week, looking at picking up another job part time. So far, as a dish job goes, its pretty sweet. All the food I want, they offer it non stop. The people are friendly and it seems like it could be fun…

In any event, perhaps things are picking up here… perhaps if I try and don’t let them fall apart… this may be a second chance. I wont fail this time.

Faith & Hope

woke up today not okay with my life and the way I’ve been runnin it

Been acting like I don’t care, what ever, yeah I’ve given up

faced some trials and I fell then tried to get up and fell again

So I stayed down, face flat on the tarmac, bout goes to the world

and that girl who sucked the life out of me.

Can’t turn my back on humility so next time you hear of me

they’ll say ‘we saw him on his knees, muttering to the air”

and maybe there after, find myself in places

I’ve always wanted to be.

Apathetic Alienation

Tattered and torn

Shredded faith lies in the crumpled scriptures,

defiled and now singing songs to mourn.

Music has become the last outpost for salvation.

Born again with painful cries,

singing revelations of yesterday.

my ghosts wont stay dead and it has me thinking

this fantasy is not just in my head.

Broken desire like broken bones,

the holes in the walls tell better stories than I.

Whole men lost to impartial fantasies.

Stark, cold images in my mind, convincing.

This reality must be fantasy.

Built to Break Us

Wake up feeling like it’s going be one of those days

where I just don’t want to find the effort

Realized the world’s built to break us.

It’s an orchestrated, slave creating plan

guided by the hand of the maestro

we’re all dancing obediantly, in place.

pulled from deaths walk and told to look toward heaven.

Dreams in hand and freshly forgiven, we believe.

Guided by the unseen, faith is harder than it seems

the fall is a long way down.

Smiles turn to frowns when we realize our life is not in our hands

You can choose to live according to a higher plan

or struggle trying to make it as a self made man.