My son, the best thing in my life – the best gift God will ever give to me. My son, Jeremiah, fills my life with joy – with purpose. He is a focus, a focus more than what the world offers me. For my son, I have reason to fight, to pray, to seek strength and wisdom – to be the best that I can be. For what other, on the earth, can I say that I have a true reason to do these things for?
My son is my legacy, he will live on, in the ways and examples that I have taught him. I must be all that I can be.
I realized today, the stupid long bus trip to get to his mothers place – is worth it. Cause even though I may be angry with passengers, annoyed at late buses and totally unhappy with the weather – when my son smiles… I feel like crying. When he smiles, I can smile, when he is filled with joy, I am filled with joy. All the pain caused by others, all the misunderstandings, and all the fear in my life – simply ceases to exist.
No other being on this earth… will have me running the the arms of God, crying “Father in heaven, teach me to be wise, teach me to be humble, teach me to love – for the sake of my child” that he might be a man who can stand on his own two feet in this world.
I love my son. I love his little smile, his laughter, I love the way he says “cookie” when its time for a snack, I love the way he tries to take on the world – and he’s only 2 and a half. He certainly teaches me a great number of things.
I made a mistake – I’ve made several. It’s time to clean up – and we have. It is good and faith lifts me high again. I must focus in this time, this will not be easy – but should I succeed, through obedience, I will find everything I am looking for.
I must seek a deeper healing. A deeper solution than just busying myself and hiding from drugs and drinking. I’ve realized when the fun stops and everyone disappears, the cravings are still there – and should I be alone and bored, its far to easy to take a little walk – and find myself drunk and stoned by the end of the night. This cycle needs to be absolutely destroyed. No more Christian for a few months, then intoxicated the rest of the year. This needs to end.
And just like my son when he falls, I must run to God with my arms open wide – crying “Daddy, up! up!” So that I may be lifted above the slippery paths of life, above my problems and enjoy the love of a Father who understand the love we all need when we fall down.
Thank you to my son, who’s teaching me great things. Praise God for such a wonderful gift.