Brain Drain.

Just when you think things can’t get interesting anymore they do.

My head hurts and is annoying me again. I try to make it stop. Feed it pot. Om nom nom nom.

Shit sucks after an 8 hour day at a ball sucking job. It’s so bad. Though….it can be quite entertaining when shit goes good. I actually have fun sometimes. 8 hours is sobering – and mind numbing and I get wayyyy to anxious to get the fuck off shift.

Gota drain the brain. Have to put this nonsense somewhere. Or at least some format of it. Just blast metal. And write nonsensically stupid crap – and force you – the reader, to read it – and somehow it helps. * chuckles to himself*

In any-event ( such a favorite phrase of mine) I’f I don’t write I am afraid I’d rant to people even more so than I already do and piss them off more than I already doo. I hate when I do that. Though… naaah…. hrmm.

Still trying to think of ideas for a legit blog. You know, that will take effort. And real work and planning and and and…. I’ll procrastinate this to no end, no doubt.

Still feel like not all stuff should be published online, as much as I want too. Not everyone should know everything all at once. But wouldn’t it be fun if everyone, know everything all the time? How you felt about them, the ones that piss you off – or the ones you really love. What would you say? Honestly? When they came to mind? Even knowing that person might read it? Ballsy stuff eh? Takes fucking guts. I think I like to push myself to do that. But… the price one might pay may be too much.

I have an ideal to be so real and vulnerable – transparent, that its scary – and I think I have achieved it – in small moments. Hah hah. BUT! It’s not just for reactions or the sake of attention, no. It’s about being known. The desire that nothing in me would be fake then. I would be genuinely real and honest. Are those not good traits? I mean even in person, I don’t hide my emotions well, I am sensitive and like to show how I feel. Whether happy, sad, pissed off, or what ever.

In addition, I feel I also achieve a closeness with people, where upon their moment of need, they can trust me with what ever they feel they may need to tell someone – and talk to someone about. Knowing that I wont judge them – because of all the crazy honest shit I’ve said/done.

This is not to say then, that I wanna just hate on people and then point out others I love – no. But I guess it could seem to look like that, couldn’t it. It could take a band slant.

I hope no one ever takes anything I write, say or do – to to seriously, unless I am like telling you I am going to “off” myself, or actually causing someone harm. Then you may need to panic. (smirks)

Sometimes I say too much – over expressing myself. What ever – It’s just who I am. Don’t judge me mann. I come with problems and quirks just like you – and if I choose I could hide them better too. πŸ˜› BUT I choose not too. πŸ˜‰ It bothers me to be fake. I hate fake people. Well dislike them greatly, I frown upon shallow people.

What people don’t know is that I was – and in some ways still am – a very fucked up individual. (I do say that kind of proudly) I love my uniqueness. I love being me. I do not regret my past or who I am today. I want to share that person with you – in any way I can, and I hope in return you do also. The good and bad – maybe even more so that bad. I love a person with a past. A story to them. These people I can connect with. Not that I love focusing on the pain and the past – but people who’ve goten over their past, I find to be in depth and smart individuals. They are wise and know something to life and the value it has. The value of themselves. They are attractive people because they know how to express themselves well, hold conversation and be intelligent while knowing when to be everything else – as there is always a time to be a bit of everything. :)….

One day I am going to write books.

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