Drinkin’ n Thinkin’

Sitting here listening to some Akon. Thinking. Drinking a beer. My head hurts from last night but this beer will help. What an awesome party. Really good time.

Except my mind would not stop thinking about you. Non stop. Checking to see if you were there – wondering if you tried to show up and maybe I missed you – or maybe you came to wendys but could not get in. I don’t know – and its the not knowing that eats away at me. Like trying to piece together your life – when I’m not there, in it. Replaying the things you said, things we did together and fitting them together like puzzle pieces – trying to see something more – a clear picture.

But just left with an empty feeling – its not satisfying – going round and round in my mind, chasing you.

Id just rather be with you.

Right there beside you

whether talking or not

sitting or walking

chillinor fighting.

friends or lovers

or nothing at all

just seeing you

is satisfying.

……………………………………

Drinking and thinking and reading old poems on face book and everything in the beginning and how crazy it all was and is and will be.

I had such an amazing night/day with you. It was fucking awesome. Better than awesome. Oh my god. You get stuck in my head. AND no I’m not obsessing – you’ve just become my favorite drug, my newest and deadliest addiction – and I want more and more – of you.

It’s like I can’t get enough. So I’m some how trying to get closer to you by reading your  face/book tumblr over and over again. I keep hoping you will come online for some odd reason – not like I’d have much to say – just be like 🙂 inside and know you are okay.

I hope you are okay –

where ever

what ever

you are doing

just do it safe.

…………………………….

Playing love the way you lie right now.

I used to listen to this song all the time

then I knew you loved it too and it was alright

then we broke up and I could not listen to it

caues it was like us – we became the song

kinda sorta in a little way –

all the emotions stirred by it

over thinking and wondering

what is the truth of us

and now

I realize

its all okay

cause it doesn’t matter if you lied

or if they lied

or if we were crazy and intense

and broken

and didn’t work

cause

we still had great moments

made better by the bad ones

the bad ones make the good ones stand out

without the bad we cant appreciate the good

I take the bad with the good

and the good with the bad

cause it’s all good

in the end.

……………………

I never ever want to forget you or stop thinking about you

you inspire me in so many ways

your complicated life and the mess it is

the complicated mess I am

the mess we are together

everything all together

will be on my mind

day in and day out

for days, weeks and months on end

always thnking and looking forward

to just hearing/seeing you.

…………………

I think you have it right

more than any of us

young like you

older like me

you just live your life

you are free

just you

and you do

what you do.

Live your life.

Inspiring.

………………….

It’s awesome to be here in Gold River. Not so awesome you are not here cause I’m just thinking about you non stop. Literally. Just you been on my mind all night and day / since I saw you last –  all week / month like this. I wish I could just walk down the road and see you – even know you are just near by – but I am okay. I mean. I like being here just able to think and drink and write… and leave little notes for you to find. 😉 so you always know im always thinking of you and pulling for you and rooting for you… so you know how much I care and feel for you – as a friend and a lil more. 😉 I am just thinking I know I’ll talk to you soon, and hear your voice and once again – wait and look forward to when ever / however I see you next.

I am enjoying hanging with carlos and my dad.Its good to just get out and away and see some family – feel some love, eat some good food and just relax with no worry of this or that and work and people or anything – its nice.

Though I do wonder if you maybe tried coming to see me today, saturday. I went down to the soup kitchen, i figure cause you weren’t there you were passed out somwhere – warm and dry I hope. I figure so cause you didn’t show up at my place. I bet you had a really crazy crazy time – being Canada and all. Its pouring rain right now… I hope you are dry and warm and everything. Miss you lots.

 

 

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