Waiting for the End

I am going to pain myself by listening to this song… This one more than any other song gets me down when I think of you… I mean you like this song and I like it – but when I think about it and you – and that night you said this is a good song – but i skipped it – cause we were partying and i didn’t want you to see how sad I’d get right there infront of you – im trying to be strong.

This song is me

this song is you

its our lives

its us together

its everything

it says everything….

about life and love

and friends

and relationships

and endings

and new beginnings…

its sad

and bitter

and happy

and hopeful…

and not….

“Holding onto what We haven’t got”

 

and wholly shit… that thought just hit me super hard. You are moving. I have less and less time to see you – less and less time. Then it will be me hoping and wishing to see you – knowing you are farther and farther away – I don’t know – I guess I just have to face it – and know that you have to do what you have to do. It’s weird – I am happy for you – sad for myself – happy at the same time – knowing its all good -and yet at first bad – case its scary and lonelie but then it will get good and yeah – it will all balance off and you will… have a new life. New friends – new everything… Don’t forget me. Don’t forget me. Don’t forget me. Call and write and talk and text and everything… I will miss you so bad.

If you find at first – or at all – its all too crazy – remember I’m right here – just dying to talk to you, listen to you – see you…..

I am getting buzzed and mulitasking is casuing me to lose focus on just what I was saying here… but its okay – cause everything / anything I say is still relevant cause – this is the stuff that goes on in my mind all the time – and sometimes when – actually most the time – when we are together I dont have time to tell you how amazing you – in all the ways you are – i dont have the time to express all the little tiny nuances i say here – to you in person – i try to when the moment is right – to bring these thoughts to you in person – and yeah you smile and its great – mostly when I do see you / i just want to be there RIGHT THEN  and THERE – not in my head – not in the past -not in the future – not on yesterday or what if or anything like that…. just there with you in the moment – and we do it so well now — just being there – is perfect – no need for excessive words or toughts or anything … just be… and well …. when i get to being alone – its all still inside me going round and round – and I think of you and read your page and then I think more and feel more and say more – and put it all here – hope you don’t mind – I hope you smile when you find it. 🙂

 

 

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