Ode to Me

Ode to me

Oh yes. This is an ode to me

Cause I am fucking awesome

And I know this. And fuck everyone

Cause most people are not worth my fucking time to give my best

And then there are those

Who test me and bring me to my best

And I love the immensely

And they are worthy company

And we bond and grow fond and become

The kind of friends that last longer that just the mortal end.

We walk together hand in hand in heaven,

That is the dream that seems so impossible at times

When nothing makes sense and life makes us sick

Tick tick, tick – the time ways heavy on my mind

Over thinking and thinking again and again

On everything that’s been

That’s made me me and given me my ability to see

People raw and real and hence why I push limits and boundaries

And do my fucking best to confuse the ordinary.

I am unsteady and constantly crazy and simply deep

Always ironic and a chronic abuser and user of words

To make my world real and feel less alone and prone

To writing while fighting my demons drunk

Often sunk low and not even slowed by drink

And I think I write too much while intoxicated

Like these very words you read – flying effortlessly

Off my mind – and I find it amazing when I think

What if I didn’t drink or toke or smoke – and i was totally sober

I’d blow everyone over with my talent – nonstop relent of my words

Pouring out for all to be heard and if I gave my story

And said this and that of God and gave my testimony

I could be the kind of man to fucking change destinies.

But I am a sinner a mortal man crying out when he can’t

Take the shit that besets his heart – and from dark to light

Try to fight and stay ahead of the devils evil spells.

I will not ever give up and will always live by the code in my heart

God is all and everything and everything I am and why I love the way I do now.

It was taught to me and changed me and I knew it to be real

Its more than just what we think we feel.

See and hear and know in the physical

Is supersedes the mental and comes to a level

Where the spiritual is very real and only the stupid fucking ignorant

Can’t comprehend cause they’re dense e and make no sense

To life – hence the strife in their lives. Never knowing what it means to be alive.

And though I do, you may find it odd, a man who sins while loving God.

I admit I do some stupid shit and have known the intense closeness of God.

I am a man to used to his old ways and it takes its toll everyday

Straining to walk a straight and narrow path when I’ve been known to not give a fuck

Because I was born with no luck to have anyone show me I was worth the while to love

And now push comes to shove and I am shoved but choose to love with God’s love

The love taught to me, and see someone with profound insight and choose to live their life

And fight for them with every bit of my strength,

Even if God think it backwards and I am out of order –

I heard a quote I liked,.

“You can’t save any lives –

Till you’ve honestly tried to save just one.”

Love someone truly

Reach out your hand and pull a friend

From deaths untimely end.

 

Ron Bergquist

2:59 pm.

August 31st 2011

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Overflowing

 

Waking up lost and confused

Still drunk from last night normally I’d sleep this off

But I need to go and find you

Or at least go to the library

And look over all the ranting I did last night.

I broke down bawling

Just a few mins ago

Like i said

This all isn’t real

I want you back

I cannot believe this is happening

As in the fact that it happened

And i am powerless to do anything

But watch you walk away

Make your choice

And leave me

Worried sick

About you….

Loving you and missing you and feeling for you

And wondering a million things…

I wish i could just be drunk forever

But even that doesn’t not erase the pain

Even weed doesn’t esase the pain.

It just makes my mind all the crazier when i think of you…

And at least it helps me sleep.

But I cannot sleep all the time…

Oh man oh man oh man….

I wish you were hear i wish we were together

I wish life was not like this.

 

August 30th 11:53 am

Ron bergquist

Emotionally Drenched


I love this shit… blasting tunes drunk…

But tonight im doing it for all the wrong reasons….

I am broken hearted and drunk

And mad at life and myself.

I hate while loving

I am love sick and miss someone special

I love and do not wish to end with

Intoxication  now

I am fucking drunk

And still hurt so bad like its brand new

Like smashing my hand with a hammer

And it hurting like it did when i first struck it all the time

This pain is raw and real

And all i feel is broken fucking heartedness

Pain. Pain pain.

Hurt and worry and sorrow and grief and wholly shit

This has gone on way to far that what it should have

And yet not nearly began to be what I wanted us to be…

Fucking irony of life… shit is so backwards it makes me sick

And laugh and … hate life… but love you and love you and love you.

Hate life.

Fuck life.

Fuck this pain

Fuck this intoxication.

This drunkenness… that

Is still not enough to keep me from tapping these leys

That makes me seem so coherent though so drunk,

I am a master of the delete button.

The world is blurry and I am drunk

But not drunk enough to pass out

And just forget you

And act like i don’t care

Cause i fucking do

And it’s not so simple

To just move on

Cause I do love you

And miss you

And play the songs that I loved listening to with you

The ones we loved best

Firework.

You’re my fire work…

And to think.. its all gone now

And for what… like

Its all been  made to be broken from the start… but

Still i had to try and do my best….

and lest here we are,,, so close but so far apart…

im here in my laptop light

you are on the street in the dark….

my heart goes out to you – please make it through

tonight and tomorrow and always fight and grow..

and always know… I love you…

no matter what it will remain true…

I LOVE YOU.

 

 Ron Bergquist

3:36 am august 30th 2011

 

 

 

One last Poem

One last poem

I want to write one last poem

Since I wanted to write one recently

About how good things were going

Then within a week

Things are gone and broken up

But even so I still will with simple words

Let you know

I love you and care for you

Have feelings for you

That won’t just fade away

Because you’re something really unique,

And I loved to just hear you speak,

Your story and let me know you and your world,

It’s been a whirl and I’m a little dizzy.

 

August 29th 2011

Ron Bergquist

 

 

Easier in Words

 

It’s easier to write in words

That I will miss you

And your smile

And everything about you

Your beauty in all its ways.

Everything I enjoyed with you intimately

Ended instantly to quickly for me.

I – am certain I will hesitate and debate

How much I want to hold you again

And kiss you

And love you

 

 August 29th

3:22

Moment by Moment


1:00 pm          

 

Beat box to yourself and spit a little lyric

Head bang and sing slang, today’s the shit

And it’s about to hit the top so don’t stop

Beat box; to yourself and make this day pay

Hell and tell the world you’re the whirlwind

That begins to change things left the same.

 

…………………………….

 

1:05 pm

 

Teach me some shit, Oh captain my captain

And I might respect and follow you

Lest you impress me with your knowledge

Presented with etiquette and grace,

In my heart of hearts, for you there will be no place.

 

………………………………

 

1:10 pm

 

Chicken wing sparking in the microwave

Oh wait that’s the gold spackled lining

Lighting up like lighting and I find it amusing

I’m just sitting here watching and writing.

 

Ron Bergquist

August 22nd 2011

1:15 pm

 

Push comes to Shove

Mental capacity at its limits

Cause morons have the audacity to test me

My patients worn down by the dense

And the senseless shit people spit

Boiling in my brain driving me insane

I can’t tame the flame of rage

Caged inside, inside it rises and I bide

Trying to hide the anger coming through

At you and you and you all the shit they do

Talk they spew negatively besting me

And my thoughts better fought

Internally, mentally snapping me

And angrily shoot my point across

Cross and out of joint I snap

Knowing I can out lap most chaps

If I tried; ‘stead I’ve died and lie

Dumb myself down with dope

To cope with the idiots that surround me

It astounds me, the stupidity.

The calamity of those much slower than I.

I won’t lie and simply say now

Get the fuck out of my way,

You really piss me off.

 

Ron Bergquist

August 21st 2011

2:34 am

Falling Star

Meteorites streak across the sky

And momentarily catch ones eye

If they are looking in that direction

These are the everyday people

living without perfection.

 

Then there are those with larger personalities

They burn a little brighter

Fighters coming back again like Hailey’s comet

 

Then there are people like me

Who know they were born with destiny

shining so bright,

dwarfing the light of others

angered cries smothered

because I can’t help that when I come again

It’ll be as if the moon fell from the sky at night

And were on fire.

 

Ron Bergquist

August 13th 2011