The Battle

The battle continues and this time light takes the round. I can feel it pulsating through my skin and in my heart. The light and love of God calling me again…. and its good and welcoming and I want it but at the same time its all a pain in the ass and I don’t want it and want to fight my own way through this messed up world.

No one needs to know I am a Christian, no one needs to know my story… It just complicated relationships and how people view you and what not. Who needs that bothersome crap….

Life feels simplier when just giving into the flesh. Its straight forward and no confusion or conviction over right or wrong. I’d say this is perfectly fine but it takes a lot to lie to yourself and to run from Conviction. I’ve been running for some time again. Content for the most part. But now lately the tension of life asserts in my heart that I am unhappy… and again question how happy could I make myself following God.

Its all a lot of effort its all a lot of effort… a lot of effort… my head is a mess and I am actually sober right now. I am not stoned but probably will work towards getting some weed eventually. I wont be able to sleep other wise… and my head ache will get worse…..

I don’t to die in darkness… and I don’t want to fight in the light…

I’m half dead in some grey area

I’m half alive in some grey area.

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