Broken

God breaks pride

By breaking bones

Hands and feet

Crippled

With his anger

And we think what love is this?

But in the end when all one can do is pray

In helplessness

We become blessed

As humility is birthed

In inadequacy.

We fight God with fists

And run with feet

And work hard to build empires;

earn money with deceit,

He never asked us too.

 

It all comes falling apart

We fall apart

Break apart

And only now can sit helpless

And wonder why;

What to do next.

 

This is fear –

Not being secure in our own strength.

I need my fists to fight,

To work;

My legs to walk on;

To carry me on from here to there.

Now I’m crippled,

My strong hand broken.

I can earn no income

And all I have is faith.

 

Better faith than nothing

Or all I’d have is despair

Death,

Destruction,

I’m thankful my brain still functions.

Learn from me,

Friends,

God breaks the proud

When you fight Him.

 

Ron Bergquist

11:33

November 28th

One’s Garbage is Another’s Treasure


Crumpled

Wrinkled

Imperfect

Broken

Un whole

Impure of perfection

The reject

Subject to judgment

Cast aside

Waste

Garbage

Hated

Crap

Shit

Fucked

Never to be the same

Damaged

Tampered with

Messed with

Pissed on

Shit on

 

Thank you fate

Thank you mother

Thank you father

Thank you society

Thank you bullies

Thank you fakes

Thank you liars

Thank you.

 

I am strong

I never give up

I AM! –

Still here!

Fighting fear

Listening and learning

Growing

Fighting

Lasting

embracing me

See me,

feel me,

hear me

I am free.

Test me

Best me

And I’ll come back

Attack you

Best you

I am true.

Unstoppable

Can’t topple me

I always try again

That’s why in the end

I always win.

 

Ron Bergquist

11:18 November 28th

 

 

Running on Empty

Drink intoxicating drink

Smokes substance

Fill eyes with nude flesh

Buy chances to win money

Still empty

Deflated and broken down.

Fill ears with mourning music

While the moment is still golden

Miss them years of conversation

Miss them close best friends

Where none of this was an equal

To be content with oneself

Miss the voice of love

Speaking and beating within

My very heart

Miss the light that came without dark.

 

Nothing fills me

Nothing satisfies me

It all puts me to sleep in pain

All vain attempts to regain

Something I lost

Something taken

Before I was ready to let go

Before I had a chance to know

It. I quit sobriety to feel free

And it’s a lie to me;

That this feels great;

Fills me with hate

But sedates the …

Blur of nonsense

That tries to overcome me

Tonight – I’ll sleep without nightmares.

As if – you should care.

 

11:02 Nov 28th 2011

A Precarious Path

Grab the glass with puppet hand

A ducks beak with a thumb-

Quack – and the glass slips and falls

Down the stairs, twisted ankle

Aggravating nervous tension

Where are the smokes?

Hobble to the store with a cane in hand

Every step taken is a pain.

Mimicking an old man at 25

Listening to the wind blow through the trees

Looking up, walking a trail in B.C

Large trees rustle in the wind as rain drops fall;

God… is that you…

Moving through the trees and falling in the rain

This path is dark as dusk sets in

I may stumble again if my steps are careless.

 

Ron Bergquist

6:43 Nov 27th 2011

Stripped

Crawl inside me thru my eye

Lift the lid and wrap yourself under me

Absorbing insights light delights

Struggle to swim to the back

Behind the ball and into brain

See maybe we’re somewhat the same

Grey matter and blood vessels

Pumping life through the veins

Open wounds fill with pain

And bleed.

Exit through my scars and crawl along my skin

An arm’s length away in the physical

Another universe in the spiritual; shared sin.

Come in and come out

Open your mouth

And let me slip off your tongue

Drip, drip, drip

Pulsating nauseous words

For me and the unheard

Today; what have we learned?

The worst scars are left by burns

Flesh scarred like hearts and souls

Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers

Took their turns picking holes

Digging us graves for us to lay ourselves in;

Lay naked in; animated corpses

Selling everything

Legs and ass, tummy and torso

Curvature of breasts and shoulders

Slender necks and bobble heads

Bobbing to the beats of diseased minds

That are speaking; listen – they sing

Sorrow and pain; turmoil tomorrow

Because of the sick faces of yesterday

Who weren’t content with masturbating.

Raped;

souls raped,

spirits raped

and to never again be the same

even Jesus can’t erase the memories

and it’s because we remember we’re the same

struggled to find a way through the pain

to fit into society

to be accepted as normal

to have someone say we are of worth

so we can stop selling ourselves

for nothing.

Your skin; my skin; take another strip and print on it.

Five note, ten note, twenty note;

Leave us naked and broke

The show you played wasn’t free

It cost you, you and me.

 

Ron Bergquist

6:06 pm Nov 27th 2011

 

 

Simply Complicated

If I had to stand face to face with you

you’d see me quiet and shy at first in a crowed

but alone I could be a clown and you’d see me smile

for all the while – looking at each other

I’ve figured out what makes you tick

I can see it in your eyes and see it in your body language

it speaks to me – your bosom and curves and hidden gestures

I make no effort to conceal my smile – little sneer from ear to ear

I can practically hear your thoughts but it’s not what I’m looking for

For Im looking for you looking at me like Im looking at you;

daring you to undue me and see me for all that I really am in all I am.

A little more than complex; a paradox of mixed thoughts

a constant contradiction setting my heart a blaze with intense friction.

I am often to quiet speaking aloud and saying everything that comes to mind

only for one to find they’ve heard nothing; I’m understood to be misunderstood.

A spectrum of tantrums of the faithful sort; infected morality; I distort

always got a retort for s/he who thinks smart; and thumbs up to those

who think their dumb. My friendship not easily won but only proven

when one respects the the sanity of  mad wo/men; my best friends.

who’re more than just a one sided view

holding too more than to what me and you’ve have to argue.

It’s so so simply complicated.

Believing in everyone; jaded.

Ron Bergquist

7:02 pm November 19th 2011

Rescue Me

Outa no where it seems to come, the darkness settles in and strangles out fun

Outdone by sin; I can’t seem to win. It begins to break me apart

my heart falters and my tears surface, ego alters and fear between us;

can’t deny I’ve tried my best on my own – Dead ended all alone.

Iced and hurting, cursing the world; whirled about I shout!

Who’s really listening.

Who’s really feeling

who’s really seeing me?

It’s all gone, everyone is all gone and I write my songs

to help me find my meanings, in believing I’m not alone

trying to atone for all the wrong I’ve done; lost more than I’ve won

coming undone and only God stands strong; only God is strong.

He’s telling me just look to me, see me and I see you

I see you; all you do and I still love you so just come home

Just come home; it”s warm here, no fear here, no tears here.

I know you’ve given it your best to test your manhood

but you’ve misunderstood; you’re not meant to do it all alone

you can’t do it all alone; just come home.

Who’s really listening.

Who’s really feeling

who’s really seeing me?

So I break and I cry and I try to scream as tears stream

down my face; trying to understand my place in his plans

trying to rest in His hands. Pick me up and show me the path

show me love and friends that last; erase the pain of past.

Use me and free me help me see;

Who’s really listening.

Who’s really feeling

who’s really seeing me?

 

Ron Bergquist

November 18th 2011