afterthought

feeling the depth of my self trying to come alive again.

Begin again the struggle to stand above

and be more than just lost and insecure.

My heart needs the light and I must fight

to rise above and change my life.

 

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today

today is an awesome day. just feel good about life and myself

just have to stop overthinking things.

and I have really awesome friends

and an even better best friend. ❤

things are looking up.

just need to hang in there and even though its all changing so fast…

it should still be good.

here to positive thinking. 🙂

i feel like giving up

like your giving up

this is the third day i come online

and the third day you hardly message me.

I miss the old days when there used to be long messages waiting for me and i knew you cared

now i get on and theres no messages, and you don’t seem that interested in me when im online

your always distracted.

talking to someone else

and i get like a few words or a small sentence

or something

all in all its all not the same and leaves me feelings like

so far away

so distant

so different

and your so different

and its bothering me so much

i dont know what to say

or what to do

cause i dont want to fight

but i have all these feelnigs and thoughts going on in my head

that i cant do anything about

unless you just show me that i matter still

and if i dont then just tell me

and ill get lost…

….

 

if i just disapeared would you even notice?

would you care?

if i never messaged you

or if we were done would you care?

……

 

I feel so like bleh… like i am just overthinking you too much

i just want to be okay

and know ur okay

then id be okay and everything would feel somewhat normal.

what is normal anymore?

everything is changing and  i find im not liking it all that much.

….

Even though we are together…

i feel like we’re not

like i dont make u happy anymore

like i dont impress you or please you or interest you anymore…

i just wish i felt confident about us

i guess thats what getting to me…

I asked you if you loved me today and you couldnt reply

you just said you care alot about me and i mean alot to you..

you cant tell me whats happening with us and you feel distant still…

i just feel so useless to you… and i dont want to feel like that…

I dont want to give up

and i dont wanna just lose you…

sure we might not last forever but

we wont go anywhere if we just give up…

i hope we are not done…

I love you.

i dont even know what to say

cause you dont say anything back

makes me want to just not saying anything

and see how long it takes you to say something to me

see how long it takes you to actually want to talk to me

instead of just ignoring my messages

or sending one or two word replies

that make me feel like im just annoying you…

i am feeling so

distant from you

like you dont want me close to you anymore…

 

I dont even know what to think or how to feel

i just feel

like you dont want me around.

 

i wish it felt different…