Attitude

Attitude

Sometimes life brings really hard circumstances,
Some of choice and some are random chances.
In the end all that’s going to matter is kindness and character.
Do the opposite of hate people when life’s not fair.

Didn’t see the possibly of everything being wiped out
It’s okay ‘cause we can always rise to fight another bout
Be made of more than a moment past that’s become history
Look to the future; realize there’s time to write a new story
Don’t ever give up and be shaken by what others think
Sometimes things said to us can bring us to the brink.

The pain inside can be utilized as motivation,
Fuelling desire to try harder to be a better inspiration.
No matter what happens in life face it with a smile,
Complain less, give more, and walk the next mile.

Oct26th 2012
Ron Bergquist

September 19th 2012 – Introduction to Wilkinson Prison.

 

The Following pieces of writing are taken from what I am calling Prison Journal: My experience in jail.I am going to write it here in the order I first wrote everything. Please note I spent two nights in the city holding cells before this took place.

this is my first night at Wilkinson prison, 7:30 pm

 

Stumbling through the Darkness

 

Fits slipped and tipped the odds of evil gods against me,

taken me, taken what’s free, but I see clear in the midst of fear

My peers jeer with the eyes, the hardness here tells no lies. 

can’t despise the process, I confess this lesson brought me low

and now I know brokenness, a nothingness that pulls out my faith.

 

This predicament, cant be bent, just me; my strength is lent

to me by the father above, Satan pushes and God shoves back,

its a fact, I’ve lost track of how I got here, no where near

heaven, so close to hell, wonder if the inmates can tell.

 

Keep my head low, gota let go of all I know, all that angers me,

traps me, I just wish to be free, now literally physically, mentally 

and most importantly, spiritually. I’ve slipped so far into darkness,

I harnessed myself in pervertedness that stressed my mind,

made it hard to find my escape from a “never should have happened” date. 

and fate took my dignity, because I was blind and couldn’t see. 

 

8:20 Pm 

 

Awkward disposition, keep to myself, check out my bunk

put my shit on the self, touch nothing that’s not yours, 

respect everyone, expect to be tested and jested with.

Three greet me with “you from the street, you holdin’ any?”

I’m a little confused, just say “no man, sorry”

I was told hiding in solitary would not make acquaintances,

guys armed with short glances, abrasive stances,

Just chill, got some time to kill, they” come over ask me what I’m in for.

I have to think of something that’s a lie, as I try to hide my wide eyes,

in this place one constantly needs a hard face, no time to space out 

as I learn what maxima security is all about.

…..

Summary: My first pieces of rhymes written my first night in Wilkinson prison.Image

Coming back with the best.

There has been a huge hole…

I stopped writing here. I once again didn’t see the point. It just started becoming these angry posts about Andria, they were so numerous i stopped posting them. I started stock piling them and then writing them in another blog. But no one knows about this blog. So thats where they will stay, those dark thoughts in a dark blog no one will ever read… and thats where my other dark thoughts will go from now on. Here I will try to write my more positive thoughts, journal entries and poetry.

It’s time to start over, with the old – Ill keep it and re work it and see what I come up with. I am a writer and I have to write. I have to have these thoughts shared. I feel connected to the world this way. I like airing my soul this way. This is what I love to do, it is a part of who I am. So here I am refreshed after yet another break. Wondering what’s to come? Welllll, I wrote a ton of stuff in prison. I have a prison journal, I think ill post some stuff from that, if not all of it… maybe do like a chronological order kinda thing. I hate writing by hand so, I took notes that I could go over and fill in with more detail when I have the time… maybe in the next few entries Ill start work on that. I must say I wrote some powerful stuff being sober, in that though environment. I was challenged in every way humanly possible.

I may remake a tumblr too. Where I can post videos and pictures of my life and have like a real life timeline journal type deal thing. That way I can explore my various facets in various formats. I will have face book as my primary social site. WordPress my primary writing site, and then tumblr will be my picture /video blog. As there are some videos I have made that would just not feel right posting on facebook.
So I shall utilize all three sites to express myself in all formats. Some things, you just can’t say or stick out in front of peoples faces.

Andria can only have access to this one site, that’s why I stopped writing here for so long. Cause she’d see it. But what ever – I’m over that and who cares if she sees these thoughts of mine. I suppose I was worried she’d somehow use it against me – well I don’t think she will any more… I hid a lot of posts – making the gap since I last wrote wider than it actually is. Alot of angry and useless stuff. I don’t need to be like that or do that any more. I have changed. My mentality has changed. I am healthier now. Time for the positive and out with the negative.

That said I am A CHRISTIAN AND I HAVE AN AMAZING TESTIMONY. I have tons of awesome faith filled stories I never share cause… well people don’t know what to make of them. They want or maybe I want, to put the light on myself, what I think, what I feel, what I suffer – but oh what of the good stuff? The God stuff? Where is that stuff? Well, Ill keep you posted cause thats the direction im heading in again. Not that everything I write will be totally about God all the time – I am simply going to be real and be me. I will still have bad days and horrible sad days. heh heh, and I shall write about them all.

Things are different now. I no longer smoke, I no longer smoke weed! I no longer will touch hard drugs! Suuuure… I still like beer. Sorry, I am human and well I still like the social drinking, just not excessive drinking.

Well… This is my introduction back into my blog. I will try and write regularly again. I always have something to say, and face book is hardly ever the place to say it.

Cheers friends,
thanks for reading.

Ron Bergquist.

Went to the river to say hi to Justin

nearly a year and a half later – still sit there and cry a little. At first I’m fine and I say hello, I miss you and love you man, then I kinda go quiet… see the cold turbulent water and imagine his body floating there… I’m not trying to be morbid – these thoughts just happen, and I have to wonder if that’s normal? its… reality after all – that’s what happened. He fell that huge fall and fell into them icy waters… and was gone… and I cry… and pray and thank God he’s in a better place – and sometimes… I hear him whispering “I love you man, I’ll see you again… someday.”