Life changes quickly

I dont even know where to begin… everything is so fucked up so fast and its not like this is what i wanted or inteded – infact the exact opposite – but i guess i got carried away- i do that. I get ahead of myself and try to hard … I forget to take my time and just wait and see how things go but nooo… I gota be me and do things the way I do and pay for it – i hate that side of myself. but yeah…

I just wanted to get her back, like win her back and show her that i have changed and im better than her b.f but all i did was upset her more and make her sad – then her bf has to threaten me and try to be a tough guy and controll the situation by saying that im not ever allowed to speak to her like ever again… like come on buddy get real. Ill leave her alone as SHE requested, knowing she’ll come around again down the road… we both will, We will eventually be friends, and just friends and who knows. Life is strange. Anything can happen… 

I am most upset that she said she simply doesn’t care, like you can just turn off feelings and emotions. I can understand that i’ve worn her out and shes numb – i kinda am too… im just like… theres no point anymore… right now.. this isn’t fun or healthy or anything… its just stupid and pointless and annoying and immature and just drama – so fuck it… just leave it alone… let life work its self out… i dont know why i tried so hard these past 2 weeks…  oh well… it was all too much too late… now not only do i not have a gf but maybe even lost my friend… again? 

Everything else is going well, well except my son having one kidney that is kind of weird… I dont know , i just need some time and space from her too now it feels… best… and maybe see how life changes this summer…

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