rapid eye movement

Flicker, sway to and fro,

Her fingers, two pressed toether.

Rhythmic. “Think hard about that moment,

Your mind lose. Let it play everything on a screen,

Or, imagine your on a train, and your pain,

Is rushing by as you look out the windows.

Let your mind slip, and flow – fight no emotion.

When my fingers stop, breath deeply and tell me what you feel and see”

I felt my chest tighten, i reembered wayne, justin and i

In the sandbox, cold, hungry, – i dont know what made me first cry;

Floodod with anger and sorrow as i watched painful memories replay.

I could hardly speak, as i spoke of how we were beat.

Tears flow and her fingers move again, the trains moving

As i watch t.v – all my bad memories, im being forced to trigger.

Muster my vigor and stare my demons in the face.

Warped right back to a time and place

Ive been trying to forget.

…. too much regret….

Take a deep breath, still more to say left.

“Lets get into this, watch my fingeres ¬†again”

Like jiggng a worm, her fingeres catch memories

Like trout,  fast and furious the emotions are pourd on;

Excitement, dissapointment, victory,yearning: repeat.

ERMD counselling;

Watch my finger sway to and fro,

Dont forget to tap your toes.

Ron bergquist sep 30th 2014

something, something…

We all used to play games,
Who would die and who woudnlt.
Who wouldnt be so bad and who would.
Ive seen nightmares become reality.
So dont tell me theres nothing to spirituality.
People be saying you have a gift!
Is that what you call forseeing your brothes death?
Oh, look a glimpse, of why im so messed!
Yes! I dreamed this, and it happened.
Christians be like God works it out all in the end.
Like after the moletations and beatings!?
After beatings, after being passed from home to home?!
Being locked in a sandbox at minus 30 all alone?!
I sure was excited! Then. Justin died.
I felt like God lied.
Heres me ranting and crying! Fuck my pride!
My baby brother is dead! And how i tried
To protect him his whole life!
A tragedy! I always thought id die first by the knife!
Some tell me, it should have been me, and sometimes i wish it was!
Justin didnt deserve death, if anyone did, yes it was me,
Id love to bring him back and fullfill your wish!
Im so sick this. Guilt and judgemnt.
Can a man just be fucking real for a moment and lament!?
Im forever changed, ill never be the same.
For years ive had demons ive tried to tame,
Then this!? Then people and society say im to blame!
Fuck you. Fuck counselling to, im already wiser than all of you.
I am my own hero. Ive made myself so from zero.
People come to me conversing aking what i know.
Asking for help. Asking for a piece of me!
Im no longer so niave! I aint got shit to give!
Im here struggling just trying to live!
But im supposed to be!; your savior too!?
Fuck it! Ive snapped, im through!
If you want to live, fight for it, like me wayne and justin did.
Neglected, waking up alone, no mom, no dad.
Im four years old and im alone and sad
Trying to change diapers and feed my brothers,
Taking the beatings they couldnt take from fake foster parents.
They beat me so hard once, the frying pan had dents.
I keep begging god please relent! What did i do to deserve this?!
Im breaking my fists on anything in sight!
I know god likes warrriors but i was designed to do more than fight!
Im so sick and tired, im drinking another beer, then saying good night. Muttering as i fall asleep, im to tired to argue and fight.

Ron bergquist
Sep 29th 2014

Rude awakening

Snap, twitch, say it again you little bitch!

Oops im sorry, i forgot who i was, pushed and shoved!

Moralites lay dead, fatalities, of dread.

Ive lost a lot of what i used to love!

Its holding me prison in my head.

I lie. Cast of this thick hyde and mask.

Im just an angery, scared, pissed, off human being,

Im tired of fruiteless friends that dont last,

Im so bored, im speaking out about what im seeing

Trying to be vulnerable enough

Trying not to be the bad guy

Everyones acting so tough,

But i see through the lies.

Can no longer look at yourself

So judge all the shit you despise,

Youve become a book on a dusty shelf.

Its time to open your eyes.

You’ve sold yourself short of true conviction

Tryig to get attention from kids learning lessons,

You used to never beleive in hesitation!

Now youre always second guessing!

Admit it, you lost it. Youre not on track!

Go on fake it! I aint buying shit!

You lost you! Thats a fact!

The friendship we had we’ll never get back!

Just let the beer and drugs take up the slack.

Im okay, you gave up. I accept that.

But fuck you! Wake up! Heres a slap!

I want my friends who gave a damn back!

Get real infont of the mirror,

Youre not the fairest of them all.

Everything became about beer or her.

Now you wondered why you had to fucking fall!?

Heres a hand one more time man,

I hope you undrstand

I had to slap you awake!

And ill be there in the wake!

To chase you!

Till youre once again true!

Ron bergquist september 2nd 2014

Untamed

Dreams.. untameable dreams.
Wild nightmares.
Sleepwalking in fear,
Unrelentlessnes,
Stirring the darkness.
Walking night terrors!

Youre face flickered
In the shadows of my mind as i slept
I felt nothing but cold and embittered,
Of the memories Ive kept.

I wish to hold all the faces
Of the people i dream of.
Though,some are lost cases.
Some rest in heaven above,
Im tired of remembering those without love.

One day ill wake up and live in reality
Till then, here’s a beer, there’s a pen.
Ill dish my own brand of honesty,
Here’s to all those I owe to offend!