So; Here’s to 2015

It’s been awhile since I wrote a year end post,
So here’s a year end poem; a glace back at my life,
Hoping to inspire those who are in hard times;
Know that the tide changes, as night turns to day.

2010 – I fell apart and left Edmonton,
I left a lot behind, including my son.
I had to escape all the drugs and the numbness
Of living in a city that doesn’t sleep.

2011 – I moved to B.C for a fresh start,
Things were slow, and frustrating.
In February I got a job at Wendy’s that drove me nuts.
Justin died three months later…

This is where everything changed again.
I, unwillingly reverted back to a very angry person,
Driven by a pain unlike any Id ever felt before
I was depressed and swore I hated life.

2012 – my girlfriend and I constantly fighting.
She slapped, so I slapped her back.
By the time spring came I was charged.
By mid September I was in jail.

2013 – is still the same ; my roomate Darian hangs himself,
another life lost and I’m still at working at Wendys,
Doing the same things I shouldn’t be doing
In May I lost my job – June – I’m charged again.

When does this shit end?
I’m just trying to live my life and be a good person.
But with so much pain inside: Bad Company kept –
Myself esteem fell to shit.

2014 starts with no end in sight to my plights,
No resolutions were made; same old shit.
Then all of a sudden I got a call for a job.
It’s been ten months since I had a job.

I’m hired on the spot, I get complimented on my work.
I’m challenged again, life is good –
Two months later the results of my charges are minimal.
The Judge for once saw I’m just a person, not a criminal.

I’m finishing up this year in fine standing.
I got some work to work on and I’m working on it.
Not ashamed to admit I’m in counselling,
If you knew me and my past – I’ve been through a lot of shit.

SO here’s to 2015 – the best year yet.
I’ve been dragged through the dirt,
I’ve lost a lot but I am never gonna quit.
I’ll always rise to meet the challenge
Cause when “I get knocked down,
I get up again.”

Ron Bergquist
December 31st 2014

Did you see that?

I wanna show you something,
Here,
Let me find my beer,
Ill play a song you’ll love,
Listen…
I just heard your heart,
As you read my lines…
Meaning – nothing of us defines
Each other.
Only words – can transform a mind
Then a heart.

See what I just did?
… oh good cause I didn’t
I don’t get it –
But you do.
This isn’t for me but for you.
Oh okay – for me too…

Humility in hand – tis the hammer to thy heart.
I falter with words to make meanings,
Amends for my wrongs –
I lack the words
To say something graceful –
But look…
at
What I just did –
You get it,
better than I do
as I contemplate.

I guess my point is,
it’s not so hard to be understood.
As long as you’re willing to freely speak your mind,
Its taken lots of time – many years
To conquer my fear – and speak.
Speak unrelenting in humble ironic rhyme –
This is my pride – my joy – my talent

What did I just do?

Smile with me now,
As you read this last line…

Just As Justin Did

There’s that picture of you on my nightstand.
You in a Santa hat, smiling from ear to ear,
That Grin – that unique Justin grin –
That everyone came to love –
Your trade mark…

Brother, if you were here with me how happy I’d be.
The mere thought makes me weep.
Lately you’ve once again flooded my dreams…
I hugged you as you told me you missed us all.

Not as much as we miss you though,
I walk through the snow and remember
The days of the farm, us sledding in the sandpit,
The days we laughed and ran around the house –
Slid down the stairs in sleeping bags –
We amused ourselves anyways we could…

No one can replace these or erase these bonds…
No one will ever take from me the love I have for you…
I wish I knew a release from this pain – the pain of memory.
The joy we share shouldn’t make me cry when I remember you…
Memories – memories – memories –
So I play that stupid song…

And the song itself is filled with your essence,
You were the beat uplifting us all – all your friends
As you goofed off and sang silly – making us all laugh…
How simple and childish those moments were,
However now so important and so dear.
You were the life of the party,
You were the best.

I only wish I told you more, I wish I did more…
If I could have a Christmas gift, a miracle,
It’d be to see you – to tell you how important you are.
I’m selfish and I want this regret and guilt to sting a little less…
To know that I did my best as a brother to you…
Damn it! There is no one like you!
No one so pure and true!
No one spoke their heart like you
Not even I – a poet of the people,
You trumped even me…

You stumped me with simple logic-
That became profound,
As I watched you love everyone who came around.
I said boldly; to drop that friend, ignore her…
You said no man, maybe everyone hurts; in the end,
We all need a friend
Even if they stole from you, your view didn’t waver.
And I never heard you speak ill of another…

So now I dry my tears, smile as the year ends,
Remembering your love for family and friends,
As I look at that picture of you in a Santa hat,
I see a man who broke the mold and set trends,
You’ve implanted love in many hearts, that’s a fact,

And as for me – every Christmas now,
I’ll always remember your spirit –
That sweet goofy guy who blew out our candles
During Christmas church service –
As we parted and the light dimmed,
Then spoke the closing words,
Merry Christmas, be well my friend –

Be well my Friend, be well my family,
Smile big and laugh often,
You never know whose life you’ll change….
Just as Justin did.

Ron Bergquist
December 23rd 2014

Hey There

Hey there,
Um. My walls weaken
When I look at you.
I get soft when I think of you…
How can I draw you closer to my heart?

Ive never liked silence,
We’ll figure this out as the pain subsides,
I’ve had to try to hide the …
Everything for anything that I never wanted to be…
But you were you and I was me….

My walls weaken when I look at you,
I don’t get what writes us in the hearts of others,
But i know that the feelings are true,
Not quite best friends or lovers….
Feelings hover… who will speak their mind
To find the others heart in tow,
As we laugh playfully this Chirstmas in the snow…

Chicken Flail

Never mind the never mind –
the always why, whine and cry
about this and that and that.
Hate that. Why that.
And on and on and on again.

Never mind it – chill out – pretty damn relaxed.
There isn’t ever much to mind unless there is
A mind to matter; a matter of minds minding my
Find of annoyance, disturbance perturbing;
Dance an angry dance if it makes you feel better.

To the letter try to describe every feeling
That has you reeling and peeling your face up
Off the place it should sit – shit always hits
The fan and damn, where to land when
It’s a pen lined with mines and time
Says I’m out of second guesses, blessed
Messes – teach us forgiveness; patients.

Flicker Flight

Move these fingers
don’t let them linger
A moment to long;
to pen another song
Simply mourning all since long
Gone.
The loveable from the past
and the pain that lasts
masses in us;
causing shadows and hollows;
another year of fear;
pulls us apart and sets little
Candle lights in dark,
sparks are all that’s
Left of a theft of parts;
belonging to each other;
each individual desire smothered;
without room to breathe.
All the warmth we need
will fade and color shall,
Shade to black and facts remain blunt and true
Candle light is yellow and bright; sometimes blue:
Warm glowing essence,
fragranced with sadness.

Merry Christmas

I Exist

I can’t write poetry.
I fucking hate a lot of things.
Here they come again.
Words and more words.
meaningless simple words.

I am sure it will mean something to someone somehow.
Fuck this and fuck that.
look I cursed – I’m no Shakespeare,
though I admire him,
and every great poet since.

I am my poem.
I am a bad mood, a lazy day
a stoner and a drinker.
who believes in God and the devil too.
I am elated, a hard worker friendly and humble,
yet lonely,
but today is just today and this moment is just this moment.

I can’t write poetry
I write my mood, my thoughts, my day.
I write my hopes and dreams and nightmares;
my failures.
I write my courage to conquer the future.

I am no great poet, no great man,
I am no great friend or son or brother,
I am no great Christian,
I may be half demon,
in the end,
I’m just another human.
I exist;
and struggle daily to make meaning of what that means.

Ron bergquist December 19th 2014