And if I was like you, raised in purity
My talent wouldn’t be wasted
Describing the hatred of a man whom is bitter
Towards all the loves that should have lasted …
Dear mother, dear father – where are you today?
It’s been 24 years since you said “I’ll see you in a few days”
And how I waited and prayed to God I’d see you again…
The devil answered me with sticks and stones to my body
Beaten by people who loved money;
Isn’t life ironically funny…
I can make people happy…
But not my sad self…. not my sad self…
I am to worn by a world of dark desires
Interwoven into me is violence and anger,
Bitterness, hatred and darkness – familiar pains….
I like intoxicating relationships… I understand what is broken.
I want to fix everyone so much in my own self too,
But I’m limping on a peg leg wearing one shoe.
Future calling me whilst the past strangles me.
It’s not too late – but too late for this time to be ….
Anything more than a worn out soul
Alone and cold and hollow
Honestly utterly depressed
I’m followed by my old shadow….
A dark cloak I sometimes put on and lose myself;
In the nostalgia of being disconnected from society.
I never felt like I belonged anyway
Me trying so hard to fit in is a falsity.
So I’ll die alone…
I’ll sit here and write alone.
I’ll hide and drink and do drugs
Till I’m numb to the bone.
I hear the voices in my head
All pulling and wrenching on me
I’ve tried my best yet faith bests me.
How am I supposed to stand now?
I sang my last battle cry – I ventured fourth
To conquer a measure of what I lost
Only to be put down again and reminded when
It rain it pours….
Dear son, my son so angry
You’ll be a lot like me.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be there this year’
Know that we share the same tears.
All these years so hard and so slow
All I’ve learned and yet to know…
My heart is heavy and I’m wondering why
For all I’ve done and tried my efforts only make me cry.
Is it me? Is it the past? Is it life or all of this?
I keep dreaming one day I’ll wake up
Good things will happen,
And I’ll finally be content…
I’ll finally be content…
I’ll be with you…
I’ll be clean…
I’ll finally try to live again…
Jan 12th 2012