Hallowed Circles

It’s time I come around that corner

It’s time I’ve found someone better

I do not wish to always me the mourner

of lost souls, the dead and the living alike.

 

Time has left its etch in my mind

and the more I think the more I find it pertinent

to leave behind something permanent.

A eulogy to the person I was,

or perhaps, could have been.

 

I am sure this is how love ones –

or something of the like –

people who were close to me –

This is how they will remember me,

as something I could have been.

 

Not who I was

or what I did

Or what I had been

only ever

What could have been…

 

I offer no great excuse for every relationship I’ve severed.

Remember I severed the reality I offered  – the reality that I am a highly functioning

dysfunctional – able to fight through my spells and some how try to be a better person;

but I’ve failed;

I admit it.

 

Make no mistake I tear myself apart and its hard too ever quite be the same person again

after each relationship destroyed

after each person hurt

after every word cursed

after every moment of abuse intended to hurt

 

There can be no going back…

to the way things used to be…

 

Ever

 

You have now evolved and have become something of the collection of experiences

and memories that have made you who you are.

 

You can change somethings and tweak what you wish bust essentially

you were built just the way you are meant to be.

 

Even if you’re mentally fucked up.

 

Remember that if God didn’t want you to be the way you are

he could have changed any moment

at anytime.

But here you are.

Every last little enjoyable insane bit of you.

Here you are.

 

Isolated and holding in your anger to try and be a better person

at least you no longer beat the shit out of people for no reason

or make fun of them just because you can

congratulations!

 

Somewhere along the line you found your soul and connected with it.

It meant something at one time.

Now all that matters is the struggle to live every day life

with the people you choose to surround yourselves with.

 

and;

 

Who have you made yourself out to be?

What choices have you made?

 

What morals have you chosen to live by?

What have you chosen to improvise yourself?

 

What mixture of people and memories and experiences;

Have you chosen to be?

Were forced to be?

Simply became?

 

What can you not help that you wished someone accepted about you?

And how would you react if they did and loved you wholly for who you are?

Would you find it harder to talk to them about what really pissed you off when you

finally became close enough

to be real?

 

It’s time I come around that corner

It’s time I’ve found someone better

I do not wish to always me the mourner

of lost souls, the dead and the living alike.

 

Time has left its etch in my mind

and the more I think the more I find it pertinent

to leave behind something permanent.

A eulogy to the person I was,

or perhaps,

could have been.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Everything Will Be Okay

Put my face on the chopping block

and cut me in half for every disgrace

my lips ever spoke

pull out my eyes and shove your fist

down my throat;

 

It’s not a game until we all fall down…

It’s not the same until we all fall down…

 

It’s not as fun when you are in love

and someones made you feel like a clown

until someones made you king or queen

then brought you down.

I understand you frown and I wish you well

today

what can I say; I’m just as bad as you

everything will be okay…

everything will be okay…

He’s the Hero

Big foot dropped a bomb

and he said I got a song

he rubbed his furry belly

licked his jelly from his toes

and said no one knows

if the days gonna be pretty

 

 

He’s happy and kind of smelly but

today he’s watching the telly

and its all about the politics

and shit and little tics

that suck the blood from all of humanity;

He’s happy and kind of smelly but

today he’s watching the telly

He’s the hero.

 

Dinner Friend

Little mystery; nostalgic fable;

Eat brains with me at my table.

May we find ourselves more able

and capable of enjoying each others flesh;

go on and bite me;

I’m fresh.

 

Taste the baste the maker made.

I can’t say if I favor the flavor of myself

just roll me in flower;

and sugar

baked me in the oven.

 

Turn me over when you feel I’m about to burn.

I look at your mouth and its all I yearn…

For…

A little more.

little whore…

Take some more;

And never stop speaking with your mouth full!

 

I like watching your eyes roll to the back of your head.

You choking on my bones gives way to euphoric dread;

When I’m dead pour phosphoric acid all over my head.

 

Melt the flesh from my face;

dip your finger in my eye

and have a taste!

I wouldn’t want all my hate

to go to waste…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Over the Horizon

look people,

I have a face;

welcome my space

the stasis of sarcasism

that causes chasms to run so deep;

 

The people we force fit into our lives

we cannot keep

we shall sow then we shall reap

but what will keep?

 

Will you walk me home now?

Will you walk me to the store?

Will you stay next to me?

 

I am so afraid I think despite the acquisition

of anger in me; people see me as something

that cannot be

but I beg you please…

set me off like a fire cracker and I’ll blow you

to smithereens.

 

It’s been forever since I’ve been free enough to

feel like I’ve been

somewhere I’ve never been before;

the past has left me longing for more

a better future.

 

Somewhere over the horizon

A day that I walk toward

that hasn’t dawned yet.