Hallowed Circles

It’s time I come around that corner

It’s time I’ve found someone better

I do not wish to always me the mourner

of lost souls, the dead and the living alike.

 

Time has left its etch in my mind

and the more I think the more I find it pertinent

to leave behind something permanent.

A eulogy to the person I was,

or perhaps, could have been.

 

I am sure this is how love ones –

or something of the like –

people who were close to me –

This is how they will remember me,

as something I could have been.

 

Not who I was

or what I did

Or what I had been

only ever

What could have been…

 

I offer no great excuse for every relationship I’ve severed.

Remember I severed the reality I offered  – the reality that I am a highly functioning

dysfunctional – able to fight through my spells and some how try to be a better person;

but I’ve failed;

I admit it.

 

Make no mistake I tear myself apart and its hard too ever quite be the same person again

after each relationship destroyed

after each person hurt

after every word cursed

after every moment of abuse intended to hurt

 

There can be no going back…

to the way things used to be…

 

Ever

 

You have now evolved and have become something of the collection of experiences

and memories that have made you who you are.

 

You can change somethings and tweak what you wish bust essentially

you were built just the way you are meant to be.

 

Even if you’re mentally fucked up.

 

Remember that if God didn’t want you to be the way you are

he could have changed any moment

at anytime.

But here you are.

Every last little enjoyable insane bit of you.

Here you are.

 

Isolated and holding in your anger to try and be a better person

at least you no longer beat the shit out of people for no reason

or make fun of them just because you can

congratulations!

 

Somewhere along the line you found your soul and connected with it.

It meant something at one time.

Now all that matters is the struggle to live every day life

with the people you choose to surround yourselves with.

 

and;

 

Who have you made yourself out to be?

What choices have you made?

 

What morals have you chosen to live by?

What have you chosen to improvise yourself?

 

What mixture of people and memories and experiences;

Have you chosen to be?

Were forced to be?

Simply became?

 

What can you not help that you wished someone accepted about you?

And how would you react if they did and loved you wholly for who you are?

Would you find it harder to talk to them about what really pissed you off when you

finally became close enough

to be real?

 

It’s time I come around that corner

It’s time I’ve found someone better

I do not wish to always me the mourner

of lost souls, the dead and the living alike.

 

Time has left its etch in my mind

and the more I think the more I find it pertinent

to leave behind something permanent.

A eulogy to the person I was,

or perhaps,

could have been.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s