Insidious

Rising from the depths of my soul,

The madness of a thousand memories,

The repressed violent outbusrts,

Manfesting their own voice and personality,

And now theyre all screaming inside of me!
We’ve sold the lie,

For the small price

Of my sanity.

I guess my doctor was right

Ill never fit into society.
Infact I might as well play the part,

Keep in mind as you verbally judge me, 

I could easily stop holding back and let my dark side rip you apart.

Im too smart, to fall apart,

For the satisfaction of the faction of ignorant invalids

Spewing mindless shit, without batting an eyelid.
I feel my inner demons twitch and I feel the itch,

To carve you up and make the onlookers sick.

Youre too old and slow, and my minds to quick,

Ill let this slight slip, but next time you best get a grip quick,

Or else,
Or else!

Ill realease my demons and give you the reality check

A small minded, white picket fence – normal life dunce

Should get! Ill sever your ties to what you call reality,
Youll be one to regret,

One to never ever forget,

What it means to lean 

Face to face with a man,

Whos mastered mean.


Dark Hatter

I’ve been chasing dragons 

Down rabbit holes again,

Following a mad man,

Chasing that high, 

Now I’m Coming down the mountain,
I’ve been lost, four days now

Trying to follow the light

But in no longer matters what direction

The sun sets or rises in, 

I’ve been walking at night,

Trying to recreate my reality

Just a few more days and I’ll be climbing

That mountain again, chasing that high,

Trying to escape my reality –

Running away from what bothers me.
And when I finally reached the peak

A brother of the hood, turned to me and 

Asked what is real to you? 

And I had a million answers at once and I began to 

Alomost list them all starting with the fact that 

I am real but then cut myself off and 

Said no, not recently but I try to be….
So then,  I said slowly,

What is really real to me? And every soul I know?

Problems are real, we all suffer from problems,

Stemming from impulse choices based on our dark pasts 

Or opinions of others trying to manipulate us into 

Something they can use to benefit themselves, 

And then I told him society was no better!

Because all they want is to sell you junk to become somebody!

And when you got no money you are a nobody!

And suddenly I realized 

 I was talking talking to myself…

No one was listening…

Dinner and a Show

Rambling gibberish to humming wishes,
A symphony of frogs prepare a vile dish.

Hell paints it’s self-pink with girlie glitter,
To torture a quitter who believed he was fitter.

Fairy tales are pure evil and breed badness.
For evil is innocence and ignorance, making madness.

Slow cooked, honey-ginger ribs make a lovely meal.
Since when does smacking on bone and flesh not appeal?

Humming wishes to rambling gibberish,
A vile dish presents a symphony of frogs

The Shadow

You hardly survived as you

slipped through the black hole,

and made it to the other side,

but it wasn’t what you thought it was going to be.

 

No escape – just more empty black space,

further fragmenting your mentality –

You’re splitting in half again,

while everything around you merges together

and draws in close – then closer.

 

It’s getting harder to think straight,

I’ve not been sleeping well.

It’s getting harder to tell the difference

between what is in my head – and what’s actually happening;

What’s real and what I’m just imagining.

 

The shadows are moving and I’m not dreaming,

I think I’ve broken my mind and hallucinating;

The voices converse about the things

I’ve been avoiding – every thing is crashing in

and I feel like the whole universe is watching….

The Mime

Stop! Stop the impulse,

the twitch – twitch – twitching.

Kill the anxiety –

The anxiety  welling up,

Well up in me!

The stress I suppress

the best I can!

but its grown claws

and taken over my hands!

Rip, rip, ripping, at my inner man!

the best I can

grown claws

taken over my hands

tearing me to shit!

tearing me to shit!

Rip, rip, rip!

Grab the duct tape!

Quick quick quick!

The beast is trying to escape!

At my eyes it scrapes! scrapes, scrapes…

Through me it gapes,

its looking through me,

what am I supposed to do?

Can you still see me?

Can  you! If you can!

PLEASE HELP ME!

help me get a grip.

Help me not to slip

further into insanity .

I am slipping into reality

I am still twitching involuntarily,

Kill the anxiety!

Stop the impulse!

Please kill me!

Please kill the impulse!

Pleeease set me freee!

My Horror Movie

Make it like documentary;

Everything is real but its re -enacted

even though you know that will be terrible but maybe cheesy enough,

it just may work;

 

If you were you

and the the acting was done by real friends

and real girlfriends too;

 

The actors are all the people who wish they could be you

but not really – no!

I’ts going to be like reality!

You will not make a mockery of my fantasy!

lets just hope its not too much insanity for t.v !

 

A reality so bold it will distort your family.

Bring the calamity and the guru together at once and demand

an ending to the unity;

The reality is,

its about you –

But you don’t really exist —

you see – you exist inside of everyone else –

they are –  its all an act

of actors

it’s not you

and yet they all play your friends –

how ironic – like life – this is the trigger this is life!

This is why it will sell!

 

Like reality – like everyone – its all fake

but real enough that people get it

and even though they will edit it to shit;

the moving emotional finale;

people will be so influenced

people wont know if they are themselves anymore…

 

Maybe they realize

maybe they realize….

Maybe they realize…

all the lies….

all the lies….

 

They’ve just been playing a character

they made based upon the decisions,

of what people hoped they’d become.

Hoped…

They’ed become….

 

In the end

We betray everyone.

 

A Dark Dark Room

>I’ve finally found the<
Closing on a line that separates two dimensions;
>It’s finally time<
Like the glass of a mirror –
[that’s merely an illusion]
To say, what if one could draw closer towards him or herself?
>I’ve seen the future in the past<
[To honestly look their devil in the eye]
(and see the evil that they truly are)
(I’ve had you looking at me for some time now,
leaning into to me)
What if when leaning in, toward a reflection;
[What if we walked toward each other?]
No mirror though.
No,
just a junction –
an awkward transition of acceptance of the realities to come;
No though – we just fade away into….]
(we Just appear / disappear – breaking – through
pa(i)nes of Souls.
We’ve dared to contemplate the stirring in the window
relfecting the [Darkness]
We sometimes find [Hidden and buried]
Better left trapped in me and you.
[Truth reflected in each others Eyes]
[It’s][ Manfest[ed]ing into a reality – [What should be Spoken]
breaking through [pin pricked holes]; Thoughts!
Bursting! – pulsing! – Affecting will! – confusing emotions!
Simple Thoughts destroy worlds inside of worlds;
[Inward implosions]
Kill families and friends –
[You saw this coming through one way or the other –
Now everyone will hate you; even your own mother]
(Psst -P.s – She was the one the tell the others)
– While at the same time,
[Destruction – self reflection – sometimes]
Holds the power to turn nobodies
–[a never meant to be]
– Into a hero that could change the world –
(If you are brave enough)
But only – ever – if – the inexplicable and unthinkable
Were dared to be challenged
– the path –at length – walked –
– Through – to the end.
{You have no angels on your side this time}
[Step into the void of programmed lies]
Fight the notion that this is the way it’s meant to be.
Bend on that line – lean forward now – push into it.
[Into yourself or another] Nostalgic relapses – misfiring synapses –
[Convulsing involuntarily – a crack[ed] reality;
The picture frame has been broken since the day you were born]
Spirituality at his point is like,
Folding one’s being inwards and melding into a singularity;
Emerging on the other side of what may be truth;
[Closer to death]
Facing truths;
(We’ve tried to) Convince(ing) ourselves – never existed.
Catastrophic annihilation of the self may result.
If we [Choose to] struggle to accept that in each of us exists
A gateway to another realm in which our own truths
Are founded –
For most –
for others it will mean isolation;
In the most secluded and empty ways of existing.
They might as well be dead
– They are the walking dead –
(No, it’s only you who is dead)
In them – many crossroads intertwine at – that line.
Stunned and silenced by the flickering facets
[Static]
[Like staring through a diamond]
Suspended animation; this is the prison
you’ve locked your soul and spirit too.
Standing [still] in time – pause. [This will become a grave]
[What choice] Analyzed and malfunctioning.
Stopped by chance and excess of choice.
[Lack of example]
Killed by love.
The kind that should have cared
To exemplify what that word means.
Love exampled
Immorality
– [Every wicked thing]
Examples of what love is not.
Remains etched into flesh and soul
– [some]
While knowing what is not
– may never come to understand what is.
[Love]
[Enter]
A confusing [misunderstood] state. [Heart] – Between – [Mind].
Added to the equation of improbability and desperation.
[More often than not – resulting in self told lies]
Me – Between – You – Between – Me between another
Between you. – And back again – [Where we are going
Is not relevant until we understand where we’ve been]
Yesterdays minutes – [a mysterious realm]
Where more often than not – truth is hidden.
Wrapped in lies. Lies equaling truth.
New truth. Y[our] truth. Swallow truth.
Force feed truth / and we phase into those days / haze.
Days filled with hours of bickering between – loved ones –
The – outsiders looking – listening in – [from another world]
Programmed. Day by day – Too Hate. Too destroy. Too – shut – off.
And in that reality – of the past – splayed bright red
Against the white of spirit. – Anger kicking into intoxicating
Level’s. Malfunctioning rationality and — spat out of that plane.
Enter/Now/Here/Today – Gripping in hand a piece of an answer.
Written on tissue paper.
Most of us do not choose to give up our purity.
We’re forced into submission and painted black.
[Tossed into the world]
Today – Revert back to reminders forgotten
– rage-
[Good days were days when no new scars appeared]
[Now I know better than to leave scars; next time; ill be dead]
As (mY) our desires to be loved overcome our passions
To stand out. –
AND FINALLY
[Pits us against one another]
Still between me and you and here and there –
No distance has closed and though we are moving
We’re standing still. [Even good days are bad days]
The days we’ve thought we’ve loved – can be chalked
Up to fantasy – brevity of the self – convincing the soul
Of plausible desires that could come to be – and save.
Revive. Resuscitate. Pull each other through – to the other
Side and come back to a plane where the only direction
[and thought]
Is forward.
[is hope]
Originally written Oct 31st 2010
Revised November 22nd 2016