Strife Strike

Stitches on the hitches of every hang up;

Been pulling me by the britches since the break up;

Too shook up – stuck up –  just shut up!

Enough is enough! Save your breath; you don’t understand!

One more breath, and you’ll be tasting the cuff of my back hand!

 

I don’t intend to offend you and if I do I certainly don’t want to fight you;

but I too have the right to stand up and speak out for what I like!

If it’s a diss to you and you cant let it pass and you need to chew the verbal fat;

talking nonsense; you skew your way through truth, like a dirty rat!

Every word I put down is like a natural trap; you don’t know you’re caught

till you’re upside down – getting a bad rap; another cynical clown;

nothing better too do other than too turn my frown around!

 

So I’m gonna clown around and meander mindless; numb and dumb;

all around town! Living the moment, feeling out who’s feeling me;

looking to be freed, looking for truth; looking for someone who’s in need;

looking for someone who’s looking for the one who’s looking in and paying attention!

 

Cause lifes’ best lesson is the best is gone

before you knew it was the best; so let that test

your mind and in time you’ll find the secrete;

To silencing mental strife and truly know what it means to live life…

 

 

 

 

 

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Xiphos

A cursed gift – a realism of writing – though sometimes I find myself

fighting the demons I’ve imprisoned; remembering I was once one of them…

I struggle to fight – to make right every wrong – Whether I’m calm or exploding like a bomb – I always have a piece of paper and another song.

Even though I know right from wrong – I don’t aim to maim my fellow man;

I’m just another simple minded human – swayed  by the moment, each minute of each day – No matter how high – how low  – I always have something to say and sometimes

I just fake it and make it up on the spot; meaningless words with no plot;

Every moment distilled and spilled as the time is passed and filled,

hoping in the end, it’s only time I’ve killed – otherwise I feel like I’m going insane;

whether or not its been said before and it all sounds the same – I need to spill

the nonsense blocking up my brain… Stress relief and joy and every moment of pain…

I had a goal to write what I feel. to be so real it would be scary; I wanted people to share the process of my journey – connect with me – be able to see that no matter where they’ve been or what they’ve done – there is someone out there who gets them.

Life can get ugly, it can get grim and in a single thoughtless moment – on a whim,

said some stupid things that had me begging to be forgiven… I’m just a simple minded human – living the human condition, I’ve written and lot of rough drafts – please stay tuned for the final rendition… cause in the end… I’ve scared myself, put my morals up on the shelf and helped myself to pride and glory that I hadn’t earned yet; cause I’m not the one writing my story….

By now I’ve learned as each day comes and goes, only the Lord knows how each verse should truly flow, I’ve got to take it slow, I know I’ve got to let go… Give the gift back to the one who gave it to me – lift the curse, erase some of my sins and set my soul free…

 

 

Sink or Swim

Little white crumpled papers; icy, black little lies;

Everything is as real as it can be – yet everyone’s still wearing a disguise…

Questioning the point of reviving myself;

when every ones got me pinned with their eyes.

Cause when I finally live again, it’s going to be for me and not  for them;

All the onlookers watching me at the bottom of the pit;

Instead of offering me an honest hand to get a grip

I opened my mouth and into it they spit.

I try to give a damn and pray for my soul to get close to God again…. but maybe this time

I’m just to covered in shit. Though no matter how long I rot; I will never quit –

A little bit of faith and hope is all I got; and that’s a lot more than most.

I don’t really like to boast, but I know what I know and I know you don’t know me;

You’ve either seen the sunlight reflecting off the surface of the sea;

blinding you to the depths of the darkness that I surfaced from;

Or you knew me when I was young and watched me struggle and fight

nearly drowning as I swam for the light…. and that was just as blinding!

Here comes another storm and I’m just a little boat, bounced around by the waves

and I’m capsizing and sinking again…

and I’m capsizing and sinking again…

I’m drifting to the bottom of the ocean…

For a little while; forget about family and friends…

Until I rediscover my treasure… waiting to be opened…

….Then in the midst of the darkest depths …  I’ll revive and live again.

 

 

 

118th

I had to watch all my pain staking effort  fade like a 1930’s photo;

and no one will ever know what it meant to me to see you… finally!

And I marveled the moment My mind finaly unraveled;

And finally accepted that the universal truth does exist;

 

it’s just a phase;

its just the drugs;

its just the sauce and bitches;

the bed bug itches;

and if you were me in sure you’d be just as insane!

lay no claims to my name; let the shit talkers lay their ill guided blames;

let the little shit talkers play their games;

I may be on fire….  but im not the one going up in flames!

 

Speak what you think of life and it will never be what you wish;

for a kiss – you will dismiss all logic – she’s a cocain, meth – gin N tonic!

Super stoner chronic – smoking blue berry god kush!

give her a push – and put the money in her hand;

surrender all of Eden and, –  your – self – indulgent -eternity!; like a man!

 

I think of sometimes taking command and showing the world a sight –

they weren’t built to understand!

And I’m sure when they finally see – they made me snap!

I’M sure last they will finally give a good god damn!

 

it’s just a phase;

its just the drugs;

its just the sauce and bitches;

the bed bug itches;

and if you were me in sure you’d be just as insane!

lay no claims to my name; let the shit talkers lay their ill guided blames;

let the little shit talkers play their games;

I may be on fire….  but im not the one going up in flames!

 

 

 

Edmonton

The city, skyscrapers beautiful…

I love them most on the days I love myself.

And when I say I hate this city I realize;

I really hate myself!

But I’m just human – and God-damned humanity!

Im struggling just to … Be happy

I’m constantly fighting …. Insanity

I love this city cause it’s only ever

Truly relfected me… like a mirror;

And I’m just a minon of impulse!

A worm that squirms with each pulse;

If I’m not squirming on a hook;

I must be….

Societies…

little bit;

left for the seagulls.

Nothing Personal

Welcome to my little escape,

My little paper mache world,

Welcome to my room, welcome to my room;

The walls are thin…

Intruding eyes and ears and noses,

Please pick apart my vulnerability

And sell it to the highest bidder.

Only God and those onlooking, those invading,

Know what I said, know what I said

And for that… Could be dead,

Maybe I’m dead, Im already dead,

Why else would I sell rotten fruit?

Its all just cluttting my head,

Here take it! Youre obviously not well fed,

You lack the facts and are full of shit!

Go on and smear my mask with shit!

After all…youre the fool who bought it…

You can try to pawn it off on others but they will quickly realize

It does not fit! It does not fit! You simple minded twit,

Judging me as I try to make the best of my final exit,

Over analying the worst bits of me, like an animal forced into a cage,

Put on exibit, onlookers watching me eat where I shit!

Please invade my personal space and since nothings personal

You can kindly fuck off! You can all fuck off!

Welcome to my escape,

My little paper mache world,

Welcome to my room, welcome to my room…

Please invade my personal space,

And its nothing personal,

but…

You can all burn in hell…

The Struggle

And I must be blind…

And I must be stupid…

I’m a dreamer, lost in the magic of this nightmare.

I struggle in vain, always complain life’s not fair.

Getting high just to get by….

getting high just to feel alive.

 

And I know it’s all one big lie

Sooo… I’ll live and not die.

 

You may see me stumble and fall,

then wonder why, and if me you know,

then you know, no matter how rough the road

I’m always going to try,

It’s honestly not in me to just give up and die.

 

and I must be blind…

and I must be stupid…

I’ll take the best of the worst

I’ll play this part, devils advocate unrehearsed

I’ll live this nightmare until I’ve banished my curse…

 

and I know not everybody sees it,

sometimes I don’t want to believe it,

You, as much as I might deceive,

I live for a deeper purpose, born of destiny.

 

So if you see me walking down this road,

lingering by,

maybe we can  struggle together,

instead of getting high.