Long Live the User

Online, initialize automatic type in “Facebook.com” habit;

I’m trapped,

So I’m gonna drivel some crap into your lap;

Who could have predicted! – I’m addicted! –  to the rap of societies fallacy;

telling me what to be.

All I see is I – claiming I must be another peon easily preyed on;

Every time I log on, hours are sucked away and so far

I’ve seen the “worst prom” and “wedding photos”,

Rock stars and celebrities, once the life of many parties – burned out druggies.

Today… I hate to say it – I relate –

but in-spite of the rat race, I’m making an effort to break pace.

I’m spinning off my hamster wheel;

expressing how I feel;

as deep and real as I see it,

An effort to stand out as a little more original,

but I’m quickly becoming cynical,

opinionated,

and tyrannical too!  No matter what I do, when I sign on to escape;

My gestures are either too soon or too late!

Tempering a reality of individualistic idiocies of  myself

ground up, then filtered through main stream media;

The strong arm of conformity churning the grinder,

Ever beckoning.

Signing into the socials that slowly tear on my soul;

it’s up for debate; I feel a little more fake, a little less whole,

especially for the times I chose to be blind and spread hate!

Burning network to network – another person!

Another machine of the mind! Convincing us it has what we wish to find!

Just another gate,

Keypads and pixels,

dispel the spell,

we’re just stealing time and tampering with fate!

 

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Strife Strike

Stitches on the hitches of every hang up;

Been pulling me by the britches since the break up;

Too shook up – stuck up –  just shut up!

Enough is enough! Save your breath; you don’t understand!

One more breath, and you’ll be tasting the cuff of my back hand!

 

I don’t intend to offend you and if I do I certainly don’t want to fight you;

but I too have the right to stand up and speak out for what I like!

If it’s a diss to you and you cant let it pass and you need to chew the verbal fat;

talking nonsense; you skew your way through truth, like a dirty rat!

Every word I put down is like a natural trap; you don’t know you’re caught

till you’re upside down – getting a bad rap; another cynical clown;

nothing better too do other than too turn my frown around!

 

So I’m gonna clown around and meander mindless; numb and dumb;

all around town! Living the moment, feeling out who’s feeling me;

looking to be freed, looking for truth; looking for someone who’s in need;

looking for someone who’s looking for the one who’s looking in and paying attention!

 

Cause lifes’ best lesson is the best is gone

before you knew it was the best; so let that test

your mind and in time you’ll find the secrete;

To silencing mental strife and truly know what it means to live life…

 

 

 

 

 

Last Words

I know you’re toxic, a venus fly trap – this is probably a set up; but I guess,

I’m a little lost in the darkness again, yet maybe your friendship I can harness;

What harm could come between us? Turn a blind eye and try to be on the better side;

I’ll forget every pre-fired – self-defensive lie that was intended to cleverly mislead;

Instead cued me in!

If you actually knew though, actually knew me; you’d have spoken

truthfully and  honestly from the start:  Back to the start; A broken you looking for a

spare part – to plug your holes and  patch your ragged heart; “Gullible, unkind, evil” me,

stopped to give hypocritical you the time of day and once again I allow myself to be

swayed by loosely splayed words, dripped from intoxicated lips  – honey laced with

poison to make the victim slip down your throat a little easier – nature certainly didn’t

bless you – nor did it nurture.

You take what you can glean; play a frame of a picture – a broken meme far from perfect;

overused predictable idiosyncrasies playing true to the fallacy  – if it goes for me it goes

for you because that’s just what you use to do! – You haven’t changed at all! Throw up the

wall to block me out – and I know it’s only cause you know I’m about to shout the last

words! I’m never leaving my bit unheard – you twisted – absurd idea of a thing called a

friend!

It’s the same – even here at the end, I bend to your will knowing full well what

you’re about – manipulative and full of sad excuses exchanged in hindsight as wisdom.

Thus only proving my prediction you’ve forgotten; You’re a ragged doll and your heart is

rotten. Surely you’ll return to the same ruts you’ve wallowed in; go on, and let the worms

crawl back in!  Double up on your own hypocritical poison – due time to repeat the

lesson! Back to the start –  a broken you looking for a spare part –  to plug your holes and

patch your ragged heart, “Take your thirst somewhere else!” is what I wish I said first!

 

 

 

 

Poisoned Reality

Walking closer to the mirror,
I distance myself from reality.
My reflection runs away into
another world created by me.

All I see there is lucid images of what,
Could possibly be my thoughts.
Abstract images of bent reality,
Each so delicate and vastly complex.

Senses soaring to new heights,
A mind equivalent of a million geniuses.
Everything becomes so clear,
As everything is over-thought.

My mind struggles with simplicity,
As a confusion of horrible strength,
Strangles me like a little rag doll.
All that was ever real is truly fake.

My body is sitting on the ceiling,
As my head crawls along the floor.
My flesh feels like it’s melting and,
There are moving patterns on the door.

My reflection is laughing in the corner.
No wonder i’ve felt so damn paranoid,
He’s been watching me with my eyes!
Oh well, in this world thats no surprise.

Time slips us further along into it all.
Thoughts come, then are mutilated.
Time loses it’s reality bearing powers,
As powerful thoughts form temporary reality.

The mirror ripples as it spits at me.
I come too, and catch my reflection.
I begin to break free of the environment.
Reaching for the door knob that,
Is shrinking, I open the door and,
Step out of my dark tiny washroom.

March 21st/05

Xiphos

A cursed gift – a realism of writing – though sometimes I find myself

fighting the demons I’ve imprisoned; remembering I was once one of them…

I struggle to fight – to make right every wrong – Whether I’m calm or exploding like a bomb – I always have a piece of paper and another song.

Even though I know right from wrong – I don’t aim to maim my fellow man;

I’m just another simple minded human – swayed  by the moment, each minute of each day – No matter how high – how low  – I always have something to say and sometimes

I just fake it and make it up on the spot; meaningless words with no plot;

Every moment distilled and spilled as the time is passed and filled,

hoping in the end, it’s only time I’ve killed – otherwise I feel like I’m going insane;

whether or not its been said before and it all sounds the same – I need to spill

the nonsense blocking up my brain… Stress relief and joy and every moment of pain…

I had a goal to write what I feel. to be so real it would be scary; I wanted people to share the process of my journey – connect with me – be able to see that no matter where they’ve been or what they’ve done – there is someone out there who gets them.

Life can get ugly, it can get grim and in a single thoughtless moment – on a whim,

said some stupid things that had me begging to be forgiven… I’m just a simple minded human – living the human condition, I’ve written and lot of rough drafts – please stay tuned for the final rendition… cause in the end… I’ve scared myself, put my morals up on the shelf and helped myself to pride and glory that I hadn’t earned yet; cause I’m not the one writing my story….

By now I’ve learned as each day comes and goes, only the Lord knows how each verse should truly flow, I’ve got to take it slow, I know I’ve got to let go… Give the gift back to the one who gave it to me – lift the curse, erase some of my sins and set my soul free…

 

 

Sink or Swim

Little white crumpled papers; icy, black little lies;

Everything is as real as it can be – yet everyone’s still wearing a disguise…

Questioning the point of reviving myself;

when every ones got me pinned with their eyes.

Cause when I finally live again, it’s going to be for me and not  for them;

All the onlookers watching me at the bottom of the pit;

Instead of offering me an honest hand to get a grip

I opened my mouth and into it they spit.

I try to give a damn and pray for my soul to get close to God again…. but maybe this time

I’m just to covered in shit. Though no matter how long I rot; I will never quit –

A little bit of faith and hope is all I got; and that’s a lot more than most.

I don’t really like to boast, but I know what I know and I know you don’t know me;

You’ve either seen the sunlight reflecting off the surface of the sea;

blinding you to the depths of the darkness that I surfaced from;

Or you knew me when I was young and watched me struggle and fight

nearly drowning as I swam for the light…. and that was just as blinding!

Here comes another storm and I’m just a little boat, bounced around by the waves

and I’m capsizing and sinking again…

and I’m capsizing and sinking again…

I’m drifting to the bottom of the ocean…

For a little while; forget about family and friends…

Until I rediscover my treasure… waiting to be opened…

….Then in the midst of the darkest depths …  I’ll revive and live again.

 

 

 

Edmonton

The city, skyscrapers beautiful…

I love them most on the days I love myself.

And when I say I hate this city I realize;

I really hate myself!

But I’m just human – and God-damned humanity!

Im struggling just to … Be happy

I’m constantly fighting …. Insanity

I love this city cause it’s only ever

Truly relfected me… like a mirror;

And I’m just a minon of impulse!

A worm that squirms with each pulse;

If I’m not squirming on a hook;

I must be….

Societies…

little bit;

left for the seagulls.